How You React

Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.-Charles R. Swindoll

The power of our brain is incredible.  We can take many situations that get thrown at us and change the way that they impact us by just adjusting the way that we see them and, in turn, how we react to them.  A friend recently experienced a breakup with her significant other, someone that she thought could be “the one”.  For three weeks, she wallowed in her misery. Plans with friends went out the window in exchange for a pint of Haagen-Dazs and a movie that merited at least two boxes of Kleenex.  She was unfocused at work and barely took the time to brush her hair (forget about her previous meticulous make-up regimen). Finally, she came to me looking for a shoulder to cry on. Instead, I threw her in a shower, laid out her clothes and makeup and dragged her out for coffee. Over our overpriced Starbucks, we talked about how we could change this experience into a positive one. What did she learn about herself through the course of her relationship? How did she grow? What did she learn about her priorities, needs, strengths, and challenges? And most importantly, how could she incorporate that knowledge and growth into her life moving forward? Once she was able to shift her focus from what she lost to what she gained, she was able to take some of her power back. SHE had control over how she now moved forward. She was no longer a victim but someone who had the power to create her future.

Now, not all situations are resolved over a Venti Frappuccino (with whipped cream, of course), but trying to modify the way we react to a situation and using our challenges to create positive change can empower us in our daily life. Talking it out with a friend or a therapist is a great way to put things into perspective, helping us to make a “molehill” out of our “mountain”.

Cindy Haynes LCSW-R

Happy Non-Valentine's Day To All!!

 

February is here!! The chill is in the air, we wait for the groundhog to determine if we are having six more weeks of winter and AAHHHHH don’t forget about Valentine’s Day!! We barely get through the Christmas season and suddenly, the stores become flooded with flowers, chocolate heart shaped candy, stuffed animals, fine jewelry and nonstop commercials about the best gift to buy your loved one. Your friends and family ask you, “So what have you decided to get your partner for the big Valentine’s Day?” The nonstop, unnecessary pressure of spending lots of money for the perfect gift to make your partner happy on Valentine’s Day can drive anyone a bit overboard.

I say, “Happy Non-Valentines to All!”  By this I mean, why do we have to put all our energy into ONE day of the year to show our loved ones how much we love them by showering them with overpriced gifts? Wouldn’t it be more meaningful to let your partner know each day how much you love them? Wouldn’t it be nice to be on the receiving end of hearing your partner tell you the things s/he appreciates about you on a regular basis as opposed to ONE day per year? Perhaps we need to focus more on the small but expressive actions 365 days per year as opposed to one grand gesture on February 14th.  The key to any successful relationship is making sure both partners feel loved, validated, supported and heard on a regular basis. Therefore, I am wishing you all a very Happy Non-Valentine’s Day so you can all focus on the special moments you have with your partner for the other 364 days of the year.

Christine Prete LMFT

Has Football Season Come Between You and Your Spouse

Do the sound of whistles and nonstop commercials about beer and cars have you down? Well, you are not alone. Many wives take a backseat to their husband’s Sunday football, Fantasy Football, and College Football interests. Instead of becoming a “football widow” as many call it, you can take charge of your relationship during the months of August through February.

In an effort to stay connected with your spouse on game days, why not order a pizza or prepare some simple appetizers? Grab one of your favorite magazines and sit alongside your husband on the couch while he watches the game. You don’t have to be a football fan to spend quality time with your hubby. Sometimes just being next to each other can create a sense of closeness and support, even though you may not fully understand what a punt means or all the calls from the referee. Read your magazine about the latest celebrity gossip, catch up on the latest “good reads” or even paint your nails. This will keep you occupied and distracted from the games, but you can demonstrate to your husband that you support his interest while spending important time together in order to maintain a healthy marriage. Your husband may be surprised that you decided to take an interest in being with him during the big game. You know what they say, “A little bit goes a long way. “ Perhaps the next time you sit down to watch your favorite reality television show you might want to ask your husband to saddle up alongside you with his Fantasy Football stats and keep you company.

written by Christine Prete LMFT